I’m running around like a nervous puppy, looking everywhere “DID I FORGET ANYTHING WILL I NEED THIS I DON’T KNOW BETTER GET EVERYTHING JUST IN CASE”
But now I just closed by suitcase and I double-checked everything I don’t think I forgot anything but I’m still pretty freaked out by all that’s happening ahhhh
I keep adding things in other bags with the purpose of “It’ll make that place feel like home” and now I just HAVE SO MANY THINGS

I’m not sleeping
I’m really scared of tomorrow, okay?
I’m not anxious or panicking at all, I’m just plain old scared.

It’s a bit dumb, but this is life-changing for me!
Moving out will be slow, but tomorrow is the first step! It’s so scary, it’s so scary! I’m an adult. I’ll be living on my own. Doing my groceries, all my meals, I’ll be taking hairdressing classes and I’ll be serious and after that I’ll be moving in my own home.
It doesn’t make sense. I’m so old. I’m so scared.

astraltwelve:

ENFJ (Extroverted feeling with intuiting): These people are easy speakers. They tend to idealize their friends. They make good parents, but have a tendency to allow themselves to be used. They make good therapists, teachers, executives, and salespeople.

ENFP (Extroverted intuiting with feeling): These people love novelty and surprises. They are big on emotions and expression. They are susceptible to muscle tension and tend to be hyperalert. they tend to feel self-conscious. They are good at sales, advertising, politics, and acting.

ENTJ (Extroverted thinking with intuiting): In charge at home, they expect a lot from spouses and kids. They like organization and structure and tend to make good executives and administrators.

ENTP (Extroverted intuiting with thinking): These are lively people, not humdrum or orderly. As mates, they are a little dangerous, especially economically. They are good at analysis and make good entrepreneurs. They do tend to play at oneupmanship.

ESFJ (Extroverted feeling with sensing): These people like harmony. They tend to have strong shoulds and should-nots. They may be dependent, first on parents and later on spouses. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and excel in service occupations involving personal contact.

ESFP (Extroverted sensing with feeling): Very generous and impulsive, they have a low tolerance for anxiety. They make good performers, they like public relations, and they love the phone. They should avoid scholarly pursuits, especially science.

ESTJ (Extroverted thinking with sensing): These are responsible mates and parents and are loyal to the workplace. They are realistic, down-to-earth, orderly, and love tradition. They often find themselves joining civic clubs!

ESTP (Extroverted sensing with thinking): These are action-oriented people, often sophisticated, sometimes ruthless — our “James Bonds.” As mates, they are exciting and charming, but they have trouble with commitment. They make good promoters, entrepreneurs, and con artists.

INFJ (Introverted intuiting with feeling): These are serious students and workers who really want to contribute. They are private and easily hurt. They make good spouses, but tend to be physically reserved. People often think they are psychic. They make good therapists, general practitioners, ministers, and so on.

INFP (Introverted feeling with intuiting): These people are idealistic, self-sacrificing, and somewhat cool or reserved. They are very family and home oriented, but don’t relax well. You find them in psychology, architecture, and religion, but never in business.

INTJ (Introverted intuiting with thinking): These are the most independent of all types. They love logic and ideas and are drawn to scientific research. They can be rather single-minded, though.

INTP (Introverted thinking with intuiting): Faithful, preoccupied, and forgetful, these are the bookworms. They tend to be very precise in their use of language. They are good at logic and math and make good philosophers and theoretical scientists, but not writers or salespeople.

ISFJ (Introverted sensing with feeling): These people are service and work oriented. They may suffer from fatigue and tend to be attracted to troublemakers. They are good nurses, teachers, secretaries, general practitioners, librarians, middle managers, and housekeepers.

ISFP (Introverted feeling with sensing): They are shy and retiring, are not talkative, but like sensuous action. They like painting, drawing, sculpting, composing, dancing — the arts generally — and they like nature. They are not big on commitment.

ISTJ (Introverted sensing with thinking): These are dependable pillars of strength. They often try to reform their mates and other people. They make good bank examiners, auditors, accountants, tax examiners, supervisors in libraries and hospitals, business, home ec., and phys. ed. teachers, and boy or girl scouts!

ISTP (Introverted thinking with sensing): These people are action-oriented and fearless, and crave excitement. They are impulsive and dangerous to stop. They often like tools, instruments, and weapons, and often become technical experts. They are not interested in communications and are often incorrectly diagnosed as dyslexic or hyperactive. They tend to do badly in school.

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The thing I really love/hate about me, is all the doubt I feel. I am never certain of an opinion, a choice, a belief, anything. I constantly doubt religion and my spirituality. Especially now, it is very difficult, as I am busy with something much more important. 
All this inconstancy is hard to live with. It’s the curse of my libra, and the contradiction of my rising cancer.

But yeah, point being, I am absolutely happy to be moving out, but of course I’m attacked with random “Am I doing the right thing?” “What if this is a bad idea?” “Is this the right choice?” and I wonder about my physical and emotional safety and I know it’ll be a tough ride, but I also know I am resilient and can do it (but I also doubt these capacities, ugh, it’s really difficult!).
And through this, I am searching and reaching out for a partner, but this is absolutely not the right time! I think I need a source of physical comfort, but don’t exactly know where to get it, and am shy to ask for it.

My room is a complete mess. There are so many things everywhere, and I have to go through everything and decide what to keep and what not to keep, but I can’t function normally because this environment is not beautiful enough. I get motivated when things are pretty, orderly and inspiring around me. But they aren’t, and it’s a real buzzkill.

To conclude this rather unorganized and shitty life update, I’m moving out, it’s difficult, I’m doubting myself, I wish things around me were pretty, and I really wish I had a partner.

Now I’ll go back to cleaning things up.

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life update recap :

• sad lgbtq-shaming in an spn convention
• i am upset
• people talking about rape
• i am upset because people are horrible enough to rape and some people are horrible enough to believe rape is well-deserved and an acceptable punishment
• i am lonely and i want to be cuddled while i cry because the world is sometimes a bad place
• i am so upset